My heart still yearns to wake up in the morning (after pushing snooze at least 15 times of course) and have the first thing I see be that messy little nightstand that got cleaned once a week and stayed that way for maybe a day or two. I want to be in the place where I would roll out of my short little bed every morning right onto my knees, often still with the covers around my body keeping me warm. I want to live in that small little room with my 3 other roommates. We sure were perfect for each other. I want to groggily walk from the side of my bed, to the bathroom, to my closet, to the door, to the Oasis some may call a cafeteria. I want a buffet, every meal, every day. I want Ahmed's food.
I want to walk out the door, to a path, which leads to a gate, which upon opening, leads to something unlike anything I had yet, and ever will experience ever again. I want to walk up and down that blasted dreaded hill that I cursed so many times under my breath as I gasped for air and wondered if there was any way I could turn my backpack into a jet pack. I'd walk it again a thousand times for even one day back. I want to be the minority, I want to be surrounded by the people of Jerusalem. I want to be used to hearing phony, cheesy pick up lines everywhere I go and be given "the best price" because of who I am.
I want to feel so close with so many people. I want to feel that same peace that is intangible, explainable, but oh so incredible. I want to have so much of my time each and every day focused on those things in life that are most important. I want to be surrounded by people who are also earnestly seeking to find Christ. I want to see the see the scriptures come to life in the actual place the story happened.
My 3 and 1/2 months in the holy land were the most amazing ones of my life. I learned so much, more than I could have ever hoped. I got to know so many incredible people, each of which taught me something different. I learned more about the person I am, and the person I want to be.
Of the many things I learned, I could write for hours upon hours upon hours. So, in the interest of time, I'll narrow it down to a few.
- The spirit truly does speak in a still small voice and revelation is often received in a slow and gradual way.
- You can learn to love any person, anytime, anywhere, any situation.
- Our prayers are always answered.
- Selflessness-->Happiness
Number 1
The spirit truly does speak in a still small voice and revelation is often received in a slow and gradual way.
Before I left to Jerusalem, I had a lot of expectations about how my experience was going to be. It was going to change my life. I was going to have so many incredible, overwhelming, spiritual experiences that I wasn't going to be able to handle it, and I was going to be in tears 80% of the time. I was going to walk in those holy places, the garden tomb, Gethsemane, and be immediately filled with an unshakable knowledge of the truthfulness of the Gospel and existence and realness of the savior.
Raise your hand if your hand if you think this is how my experience ended up being.
If you're currently raising your hand, you are wrong.
This is definitely not how my experience in the Holy Land ended up being and I learned that it is not the way the spirit regularly talks to me. I do not doubt however that many of my peers were able to have these experiences and that they still get tingles when the reflect back on the communications with the spirit they were able to have.
I wanted so badly to have an incredible spiritual experience there. I prayed for it probably at least once a day or more. I wanted to look back to a specific moment and think "That's when I gained a complete testimony. That's when I knew that God is real."
I quickly learned that the Lord speaks to each of us in the way he sees fit, and I was quickly humbled by the fact. I continued to pray for spiritual experiences but what I didn't realize that my prayers had already been answered. I just didn't acknowledge it.
No I didn't have a time where I broke down in tears unable to speak due to the overwhelming influence of the spirit.
But I felt it
No I didn't hear any voices, or see any angels.
But they were there
In white robes beyond the veil, or in their cargo pants and white v necks, there were angels all around me.
I was worried when it was time to come home that I did not have one of these ground breaking unbelievable spiritual experiences. I wondered, "Have I done all God wanted me to do?" "Have I made the most of this experience?" It wasn't until I reflected upon the past 3 1/2 months that I realized how apparent the spirit had been and how much it had taught me.
Number 2
You can learn to love any person, anytime, anywhere, any situation.
There were 83 of us in our group of students. Because of this one may feel tempted to assume that there were bits of contention, and cliques, and that everyone may have had a friend but that not everyone were friends with each other.
Wrong.
Or at least that's how I felt. I feel a friendship and a bond with each and every student in our group as well as with our teachers and many of the staff at the center. Whenever I had thoughts about someone similar to, "Hmm, we probably won't be that great of friends." or "I don't like this about them," it always seemed like the next day I would have an opportunity to get to know that person better and learn how incredible they really are. I learned to love every single person there once I got to know them. This made me think about how each and every one of us is truly a child of God and he will forever love us. We are incredibly valuable to him. We would do well to treat those around us as the incredibly valuable individual that they are.
Number 3
Our prayers are always answered.
There are two specific experiences I had in Jerusalem involving prayer that will forever be with me.
While I was in Jerusalem there was a period of time when I was going through a trial and felt more alone than ever. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I felt so angry, sad, frustrated, devastated, confused, disappointed, stuck, deflated and a million other things. Those few days were some of the most sorrow filled days I have ever experienced. I talked with my parents over the phone about my struggles which helped but it was hard without them there with me to really converse about what was going on. I talked to the wife of one of my professors which was helpful but I felt like because she didn't really know me and my family she couldn't understand. During that time, I think I prayed harder than I ever have before. I didn't say much, but I took time to just cry and cry to the Lord and asked him to help me understand and be okay. I remember talking on the phone with my parents one day and I was talking with them about how hard it was for me to go through this alone, without anyone by my side to help me, to talk with me, to hug me and tell me that it was all going to be okay. My mom reminded me that there may not be anyone in my family there with me, but that there is someone who is always there and who completely understands how I feel. I know that if it were not for my savior Jesus Christ, and his selfless atoning sacrifice, there is no way that I would have been able to be "okay." I don't know that I would've even be able to get through that trial and if I did, I know that it would have blended me up and spit me out in a much weaker state. Instead, I was able to learn so much from that experience and come out the other side as a better and stronger person.
On Saturday, May 31, 2012 I sat in sacrament meeting in the beautiful auditorium of the BYU Jerusalem center. I remember looking out over the majestic view and wondering to myself "I wonder if I'll ever be asked to give a talk while here in the holy land." The following week, Saturday April 7th 2012, I found myself standing behind the pulpit, delivering words of a page to a room full of people, with the city of Jerusalem behind me. Giving a talk on Easter Sabbath in Jerusalem was one of the most amazing experiences I could ask for. I was asked to talk about the resurrection. I would be speaking with my branch president as well as the brother from one of the senior couples that was there, a doctor who is incredibly eloquent and educated. I was beyond intimidated. I felt like I had been given a marvelous opportunity and I did not want to blow it. I wanted to deliver whatever words the Lord would have his children hear. It took much preparation, study, conversing, study, preparation, writing, study, revising, preparation, and a lot of time, but those things in combination with fervent prayer and pleading with the Lord, I was shown incredible mercy. The Lord filled the page with words and shaped them as they came out of my mouth into what he wanted them to be. I know, in the bottom of my heart that my father in heaven assisted me in every step of preparation that went into that talk. He knew what he wanted his children to hear, I was just lucky enough to be the mouthpiece to deliver the message.
Number 4
Selflessness leads to happiness.
My last few weeks in Jerusalem I thought a lot about the experiences I'd had and what I'd learned so far. I worried about whether or not I had learned what my Father in Heaven wanted for me to learn and if I had become more like the person he wants me to be. If you know me, you may know that I don't become worried extremely often or extremely easily, but when I do become worried about something, it plagues my mind until I'm able to find an answer or solution to my problem or question. My thoughts become extremely occupied and I begin to micro-analyze each part of my worry. This is what happened to me in Jerusalem and needless to say, I became stressed. I prayed and prayed to my Father that he would give me peace and that he would show me what he wanted me to know, do, and learn in addition to things I already knew and had done or learned. As I sat in the auditorium of the Jerusalem Center one night, looking over the city, and pondering about the significance of my experience and what I was supposed to take away from it. One word came to my mind.
Selflessness.
I thought about all the evil in the world, crime, wars, dishonesty, corruption, maliciousness, etc. and about the source of each of these problems. What I came up with was selfishness. If you really think about many of the issues in this world today and about how they came to be, I'm sure that at least part of the cause for most, if not all, of these issues is selfishness. I know that I am one person and that one person may not be able to change much on their own, but they can change something for someone else, then that person can do the same for another, and so on, and so on (you catch my drift) and before you know it, a great difference has been made.
I'm not saying I've mastered the trait of Selflessness (cuz I most definitely haven't), or that I'm on a quest to end all war and struggle, but I just know that if I can become better, I can make the world a little better, and that's all I wanna do.
If you made it through this post I applaud you. It's monstrously long with no pictures. I realize that. But I just couldn't bear to leave my Jerusalem blog like it was without a final ode to the Holy Land.
I couldn't be more grateful for the experiences I had in Jerusalem and for the person I have become because of those experiences. I continue to learn from those 3 1/2 incredible months and those 83+ people (more like 120+ with faculty, staff, and my Palestinean pals) each and every day. I count myself incredibly blessed to have had that experience and pray that I am able to share the blessings of it with others.
Alhamdulillah
